I, hereby forewarn you that, this post, is filled with anger, and negativity. And should you think I’m in any part referring to you, it’s probably really you - why else would you be so paranoid?

It’s been almost a month since my last update. I frankly, didn’t even realize. Time’s been going by so fast - it’s like its ‘foot’ is stuck on the accelerator. It feels as though there’s hardly any time and before you know it, the day passes you by.

And really, things have happened. My eldest brother’s been back here, like I said in the last post and leaving next week. My toe’s still swollen but I’m walking normally now and my head doesn’t hurt anymore. I’ve visited after her month-long UK vacation, getting a bookmark, keychain with the my initial, a pen and Ramsay’s chocolate. I’ve been eating a lot of junk food again. I’m taking Malay classes every Tuesday 5-7 pm and Friday 3-5 pm, not because I want to but simply because it’s compulsory. And don’t comment laughing, “WHAT?! YOU HAVE TO TAKE MALAY CLASSES? HAHAHA!” because trust me, I’ve heard more than enough of that from people around me, and I don’t need more. Tests have started and I’ve only once slept before midnight, I believe (and the exception was because I only had 4 hours of sleep). Oh, and I even missed one class last Friday. It’s history - for the first time in my life, I missed my class by 10 minutes. Also, my report is due Monday but I haven’t done the main parts yet. Today, I lazed around and made good use of my uncle’s Astro (he and my aunt are overseas), with all the movies, music and cartoons. I must remind myself that I have sort of two maths test and Physics test, for which the homework I’ve not done ever since my fall and I barely remember the facts. There’s also the very ‘important’ Moral finals - so important that all classes are shortened to 45 minutes. So Tuesday’s classes end at 1.15 pm for me. What else? Oh, I don’t know what a friend is to be if it’s wrong to tell the friend to not procrastinate. Frankly, I would rather be reminded and told off if it really helps me start earlier. But no, my informing is taken as a scolding. Great, I feel so.. delighted knowing that such a comment is considered, a scolding. Really now, I could shut up and just listen to all your talk and TRY to sympathize. If you’re reading this, I read yours too and so, you should probably understand. Oh, and I apologized because, frankly, I didn’t want to lose you as a friend because of such a thing. And if you think I’m annoying or noisy, don’t bloody hell talk to me because really, it’s going to ANNOY YOU right? How can you possibly handle it? For goodness sake, is it THAT hard to inform me NICELY and not announce to the whole wide world?! Then, you call me names. I dismissed it, but when I was pissed, it was unacceptable. Oh yes, call me PMS or whatever. Like you’ve been through such a thing. Having to keep repeating every sentence is irritating. You can call me emo but heck, I can’t take it. I’ve tried, trust me, I have. But when all these things just keep shooting at me, how the hell am I suppose to change? The only way to change looks like to shut up and don’t talk. Or maybe, be insensitive to everything if possible. Everyone says I’m scary and angry and they keep thinking so. They’re not changing the impression - and that’s even easier than what I have to do. For all these years, people conclude that I’m scary. When I was carrying out my duty, everyone fears me. When I move away, people tell new people I meet that I bite. When I’m not pissed, people always think I’m pissed….

End of emotional blog

That’s really, almost what I feel. You can again call me emo. I don’t intend to see change after this post but I just needed an outlet to ‘talk’ about all these. Like I said before this, it could be you if you THINK so. Or it could simply be, over-paranoia. Till the next post, and oh, this could be part of the angry blog on top - I totally dislike it when comments come in asking or stating things different from what I blogged.. it somehow shows part insincere commenting. If so, use the tagboard instead please - it serves more appropriately. The comments should relate to the related post - is that not the rule of thumb?

I think it’s plain pointless that I visit my site everyday (more than once) and yet I don’t update - even when I feel like I want to. Oh well, since right now, there’s no one online that I’m talking to, I might as well spend time blogging.

Today’s the 22nd, well almost the end of the day which means I have about a week and a half till I leave. It’s a little scary really, the thought of it. After all the years being here in Brunei, I’m going back to my hometown. It shouldn’t be that bad right? Considering, I do go back twice a year.. but then again, it still seems foreign for now. It’s a new place, new people, new friends, new routines.. But the key thing that is bugging me is what I’m going to study. I was thinking of just doing SAM (South Australian Matriculation) with Maths and the three Sciences - you know, the safest way so that I’ve got more options? But then again, I have yet to find a science major that actually is of interest to me. I’ve struck medicine, pharmacy (which I must say, I’ve time and time again been asked to take up because of good.. prospects?), accountancy, anything business, and also probably engineering. There isn’t much left really. And I’m more into design but I’m not confident that it’s a safe choice. I don’t have an Art grade, and I haven’t done much hand-drawn art in the past 5 years? Also, I might need a portfolio - actually, I’ll most definitely need one if I enter a design course after college - which I do not have and doubt will be able to come up with one in time anyways. So yes, decisions decisions. I’m looking for something of both actually, like architecture and interior design. They both combine science and art, but building buildings.. I’ve never ever thought of it so, I don’t have that much an interest and no passion for it. Interior design sounds interesting but there’s apparently no market for it around here. I really wished I know what I want to do.

I won’t be seeing my friends for more than two months at least. Actually putting it this way makes it sound like the 2-3 months are just going to come and go. But, I doubt it. There’s going to be a lot of adjusting to do. Almost everyone seems to get a shock when I say that I’m going to be leaving early December; it just sounds so fast, I guess. I actually wanted to get birthday gifts for some of my friends done before I leave but considering, I’ve not thought of what to give till now, I think my plan isn’t going to materialize (sad, I know). I should just get to thinking about it right? And not say I won’t do it? Ah, lack of confidence like always. I’ve got Speech Day on Sunday, and on the day before, the rehearsal. I’m going to watch the Nativity Play on Monday; school’s fun fair on Tuesday - whole day probably; Prom/Senior’s Night on Wednesday; Senior’s Party on Thursday. And then.. that’s still to be planned. I’m going to have to start packing soon too. But right now, I’m just going online, playing Gamehouse games, watching shows/movies - I have yet to go out to the cinemas to watch something, TV, sleep, eat. Totally uninteresting. At least, tomorrow I’m going to go out (finally!).

Comment replies:

Mable: Yes, have to make a wise choice alright. But I’ve got to make it fast..
Steven: All the best to you too!
Chien Yee: Haha, the pros of having a blog huh? I shall stalk you from your blog too!
Destiny: Oh no, it’s college then university THEN only to the workforce - till which, I can wait still. :p
Rilla: Yes, let’s all hope. And yeap you’re right about the date!
Esther: Haha, you should feel special!
Maria: Thanks! Yep, I’m going to miss school. It has, after all been 8 years.