I, hereby forewarn you that, this post, is filled with anger, and negativity. And should you think I’m in any part referring to you, it’s probably really you - why else would you be so paranoid?

It’s been almost a month since my last update. I frankly, didn’t even realize. Time’s been going by so fast - it’s like its ‘foot’ is stuck on the accelerator. It feels as though there’s hardly any time and before you know it, the day passes you by.

And really, things have happened. My eldest brother’s been back here, like I said in the last post and leaving next week. My toe’s still swollen but I’m walking normally now and my head doesn’t hurt anymore. I’ve visited after her month-long UK vacation, getting a bookmark, keychain with the my initial, a pen and Ramsay’s chocolate. I’ve been eating a lot of junk food again. I’m taking Malay classes every Tuesday 5-7 pm and Friday 3-5 pm, not because I want to but simply because it’s compulsory. And don’t comment laughing, “WHAT?! YOU HAVE TO TAKE MALAY CLASSES? HAHAHA!” because trust me, I’ve heard more than enough of that from people around me, and I don’t need more. Tests have started and I’ve only once slept before midnight, I believe (and the exception was because I only had 4 hours of sleep). Oh, and I even missed one class last Friday. It’s history - for the first time in my life, I missed my class by 10 minutes. Also, my report is due Monday but I haven’t done the main parts yet. Today, I lazed around and made good use of my uncle’s Astro (he and my aunt are overseas), with all the movies, music and cartoons. I must remind myself that I have sort of two maths test and Physics test, for which the homework I’ve not done ever since my fall and I barely remember the facts. There’s also the very ‘important’ Moral finals - so important that all classes are shortened to 45 minutes. So Tuesday’s classes end at 1.15 pm for me. What else? Oh, I don’t know what a friend is to be if it’s wrong to tell the friend to not procrastinate. Frankly, I would rather be reminded and told off if it really helps me start earlier. But no, my informing is taken as a scolding. Great, I feel so.. delighted knowing that such a comment is considered, a scolding. Really now, I could shut up and just listen to all your talk and TRY to sympathize. If you’re reading this, I read yours too and so, you should probably understand. Oh, and I apologized because, frankly, I didn’t want to lose you as a friend because of such a thing. And if you think I’m annoying or noisy, don’t bloody hell talk to me because really, it’s going to ANNOY YOU right? How can you possibly handle it? For goodness sake, is it THAT hard to inform me NICELY and not announce to the whole wide world?! Then, you call me names. I dismissed it, but when I was pissed, it was unacceptable. Oh yes, call me PMS or whatever. Like you’ve been through such a thing. Having to keep repeating every sentence is irritating. You can call me emo but heck, I can’t take it. I’ve tried, trust me, I have. But when all these things just keep shooting at me, how the hell am I suppose to change? The only way to change looks like to shut up and don’t talk. Or maybe, be insensitive to everything if possible. Everyone says I’m scary and angry and they keep thinking so. They’re not changing the impression - and that’s even easier than what I have to do. For all these years, people conclude that I’m scary. When I was carrying out my duty, everyone fears me. When I move away, people tell new people I meet that I bite. When I’m not pissed, people always think I’m pissed….

End of emotional blog

That’s really, almost what I feel. You can again call me emo. I don’t intend to see change after this post but I just needed an outlet to ‘talk’ about all these. Like I said before this, it could be you if you THINK so. Or it could simply be, over-paranoia. Till the next post, and oh, this could be part of the angry blog on top - I totally dislike it when comments come in asking or stating things different from what I blogged.. it somehow shows part insincere commenting. If so, use the tagboard instead please - it serves more appropriately. The comments should relate to the related post - is that not the rule of thumb?

This entry was posted on Sunday, April 20th, 2008 at 1:12 am and is filed under Emotions. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.