Exams are over and done with - they were generally OK but could’ve been better IF I had just started revising and studying earlier. I can only hope for the best for now.. But that’s mocks. The real exams are say round 2 months near away. It IS away, so no point stressing out now. It’s time to celebrate!

Which I did so “fashionably” by staying home all day, sitting either in front of the computer watching the last episode of Grey’s (finally) - ending was rather abrupt I’d say - chatting and the usual blog-hopping, reading Everyone Worth Knowing and then Naruto because it was too late to take the nap I should have taken and I had just washed my hair. So yeap, fascinating yes? I was so tempted to go watch Ratatouille with a few friends but it was rather last minute - the response my dad gave when I told him what movie it was pissed me off: ‘”Rata- what? What in the world is that?” and walks off.’ Oh well. I’ll probably just watch it on DVD soon.

So, I have holidays till Monday. I’m free and have a couple of things planned to do but today, I think of all that I want to do and I just don’t think I’ll do it. Why oh why are you pessimistic.. I need to give my friend her VERY-overdued birthday present quick, for I have decided that if I don’t finish her present, the upcoming birthday-friends don’t get theirs. Also, I’m thinking of designing and change how things look around here - it’s been too long, I think I’ve forgotten how to code. I want to sleep till my dark eye rings disappear (though really, they’ve been there but seem to darken over the exam period). And, I want to clear my mind. Yes, I have a flooded mind which needs filtering. To do that, I need answers and directions, which I have to figure out myself.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately. “Why this?” “How is it so?” I’ve been thinking why is it I tend to write how I feel and then erase them off, or type them out in a blog but end up saving it as drafts or just deleting them. And why I put them down with pen (or keyboard, whichever) but not talk to someone about it; why I can’t seem to tell anyone what I really want to talk about; why I know that it’s better to talk to someone but yet I keep it all in. I also wonder why is it I’m so conscious about what others think; why I can’t sing out loud when I really want to but I don’t because I don’t want people looking at me; why I can’t just express myself without fearing that someone would condemn me for feeling how I feel; why I can’t ignore everyone around and just do what I want to do, the way I want to do it. Or even, why I don’t tell people off half the time anymore even if they’ve pissed me off and I end up just accepting and keeping quiet; why I feel so empty and lonely when my friends are around me and talking; why I seemingly have no one to relate to, not my family, friends; why I’m actually thinking that telling a stranger or someone you’re not close to, how you feel is easier than telling those who know me. Why, I question why so much, think of so many answers, but not settle with one.

I think that’s enough rambling for tonight. I don’t think I’ve blogged so personally before; it feels surprisingly good and and somewhat a relief to have all that typed out - it may not be all but at least I’ve managed to state what I’ve really wanted to blog about.

Alright then, let’s hope I’ll update next with a new look - I like this look but it’s time for a change; I think you (if you visit regularly enough) would think so. Maybe I would have done something more interesting than today too. There are events to look forward to for me this week; it’s holidays I don’t want to spend wasting time.

1. We won the Interzone Netball Tournament hence, we’re champions in the whole nation. Hooray for us! My team rocks! (including Coach of course - where would we be without her?)
2. I twisted my ankle in the finals. That was on Tuesday and after 4 days, it’s still swollen. The swelling’s been appearing and disappearing a little. Right now, it’s bad.. again. What happened was, I somehow landed with my foot either bent inwards or outwards (I can’t remember). The “first-aid” lady asked where the pain was. I couldn’t describe where exactly - it was all around the right ankle. So she put ice on the left side of the ankle. A few hours after getting home, my dad realized that it was swollen on the right side and the left side was blue-black. So iced the right side this time. The pain was intense, too much to walk. So I literally hopped on one foot up the stairs with my hands as support. It was fun really; my parents would have bombarded me seeing me go up the stairs that way.
   The next day, I went to school in shoes - terrible idea. Next day wore slippers with ankle guard. Oh, wearing the ankle guard the first time was strange. It feels unbalanced as one foot has something wrapped around it while the other doesn’t. Yesterday, somehow the left side of the ankle (the iced blue-black part) hurt really badly when I touch it. Then, my dad used ginger and some ointment to massage it. My mum’s friend said massaging isn’t good for sprains though. Anyways, a lot of pain yet again then this morning, the swelling seemed to have gone down. But look, it’s back .. and it’s bad.
3. I wore slippers to school today and my feet were freezing. So were my fingers. The hall’s air-cond must have been at a very low temperature. One and a half hours for Malay 1 in the cold “weather” probably caused my handwriting to turn uglier towards the end but ya, couldn’t be bothered. Imagine the next 2 and half hours for Maths in crazy chilliness.
4. So yes, Mock exams have started. I can sense I’m not going to do well - who am I kidding, I’m barely halfway through revision for all the Sciences and seeing that I seem to have the time to sleep so much, blog, surf the net aimlessly, watch TV and Grey’s.. I’m so going to regret all the time I’ve wasted and am wasting. I’m most worried for the sciences - I’m getting more worried by the second thinking about how much I have studied and how much I have left to study. Oh no.. Someone lecture me/knock some sense into me and get me to study or I’m dee-ee-ae-dee .. DEAD. Gah~
5. I think that’s about all the things I have to say. Goodnight and oh, good luck to those having exams.

And so I’ve said, “I need a break from everything” but till now, I haven’t got it have I? Not that, I’m giving it all to get it though.
With every single little step I take, I add that much to my pile of regrets.
With every thought I have, I add more than needed to my endless list of un-answered questions.

Certain things come and go but they leave imprints on you. They make you think, confuse you, frustrate you and in the end, you’re left bothered, frustrated and without answers; and you have no idea what to do.

Hmm, did you dear reader, purposely highlight these few lines, copied and pasted somewhere to read all these? It’s interesting if you did. Because really, these are my thoughts which I wish to type out but don’t need attention given to them.