Exams are over and done with - they were generally OK but could’ve been better IF I had just started revising and studying earlier. I can only hope for the best for now.. But that’s mocks. The real exams are say round 2 months near away. It IS away, so no point stressing out now. It’s time to celebrate!

Which I did so “fashionably” by staying home all day, sitting either in front of the computer watching the last episode of Grey’s (finally) - ending was rather abrupt I’d say - chatting and the usual blog-hopping, reading Everyone Worth Knowing and then Naruto because it was too late to take the nap I should have taken and I had just washed my hair. So yeap, fascinating yes? I was so tempted to go watch Ratatouille with a few friends but it was rather last minute - the response my dad gave when I told him what movie it was pissed me off: ‘”Rata- what? What in the world is that?” and walks off.’ Oh well. I’ll probably just watch it on DVD soon.

So, I have holidays till Monday. I’m free and have a couple of things planned to do but today, I think of all that I want to do and I just don’t think I’ll do it. Why oh why are you pessimistic.. I need to give my friend her VERY-overdued birthday present quick, for I have decided that if I don’t finish her present, the upcoming birthday-friends don’t get theirs. Also, I’m thinking of designing and change how things look around here - it’s been too long, I think I’ve forgotten how to code. I want to sleep till my dark eye rings disappear (though really, they’ve been there but seem to darken over the exam period). And, I want to clear my mind. Yes, I have a flooded mind which needs filtering. To do that, I need answers and directions, which I have to figure out myself.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately. “Why this?” “How is it so?” I’ve been thinking why is it I tend to write how I feel and then erase them off, or type them out in a blog but end up saving it as drafts or just deleting them. And why I put them down with pen (or keyboard, whichever) but not talk to someone about it; why I can’t seem to tell anyone what I really want to talk about; why I know that it’s better to talk to someone but yet I keep it all in. I also wonder why is it I’m so conscious about what others think; why I can’t sing out loud when I really want to but I don’t because I don’t want people looking at me; why I can’t just express myself without fearing that someone would condemn me for feeling how I feel; why I can’t ignore everyone around and just do what I want to do, the way I want to do it. Or even, why I don’t tell people off half the time anymore even if they’ve pissed me off and I end up just accepting and keeping quiet; why I feel so empty and lonely when my friends are around me and talking; why I seemingly have no one to relate to, not my family, friends; why I’m actually thinking that telling a stranger or someone you’re not close to, how you feel is easier than telling those who know me. Why, I question why so much, think of so many answers, but not settle with one.

I think that’s enough rambling for tonight. I don’t think I’ve blogged so personally before; it feels surprisingly good and and somewhat a relief to have all that typed out - it may not be all but at least I’ve managed to state what I’ve really wanted to blog about.

Alright then, let’s hope I’ll update next with a new look - I like this look but it’s time for a change; I think you (if you visit regularly enough) would think so. Maybe I would have done something more interesting than today too. There are events to look forward to for me this week; it’s holidays I don’t want to spend wasting time.

This entry was posted on Tuesday, August 28th, 2007 at 11:16 pm and is filed under Life, Random. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.